When put to the test will my child choose what is best?

The Australian bower bird is known for its fondness of blue. On nature walks we have often seen its nest – pieces of plastic, a peg, maybe some twine, the feature in common being the colour blue. But frankly they are all useless to the little bird. There is the story of the monkey that lost its freedom because it hung on to a few peanuts and so couldn’t withdraw its hand from the trap. These creatures don’t have the reasoning ability that God gave to humans, but, how will our children choose?

Passion and Patience
In John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress we find an interesting scene, played out by two children,

“I saw, moreover, in my dream, that the Interpreter took him by the hand, and had him into a little room, where sat two little children, each one in his chair. The name of the eldest was Passion, and the name of the other Patience. Passion seemed to be much discontented; but Patience was very quiet.

Then Christian asked, “What is the reason of the discontent of Passion?”
The Interpreter answered,
“The Governor of them would have him stay for his best things till the beginning of the next year; but he will have all now: but Patience is willing to wait.”

Then I saw that one came to Passion, and brought him a bag of treasure, and
poured it down at his feet, the which he took up and rejoiced therein, and withal laughed Patience to scorn.

But I beheld but a while, and he had lavished [spent or used it] all away,
and had nothing left him but rags.

Explained the Interpreter. “These two lads are figures [illustrations]: Passion, of the men of this world; and Patience, of the men of that which is to come [the next life]; for as here thou seest, Passion will have all now this year, that is to say, in this world; so are the men of this world, they must have all their good things now, they cannot stay till next year, that is until the next world, for their portion of good.”

Three Scriptural illustrations of the characters portrayed by John Bunyan in the story quoted come to mind. The first of these is Esau, the brother of Jacob. Genesis 25:29-34 tells of how Esau came home from the field, feeling famished. In this condition, he came upon his brother with a pot of lentil stew. Desiring the stew, he agreed to give up his birthright in exchange for the meal.

The character of the prodigal son in the well known parable also parallels that of Passion. The prodigal couldn’t wait for his inheritance. He wanted it now.

Moses, with the character illustrated by Patience, rather than enjoy the instant pleasures associated with the royal position he could have had in Egypt chose the humble lot of God’s people “for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.” Heb. 11:26

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

“Deny himself,” wow! what does that mean? Notice that it is a condition of discipleship.

For Esau it would have meant waiting the short time it would have taken to prepare his own meal or for the meal in his father’s tents to be ready. In the case of the prodigal son, it would have meant waiting until the natural time to receive his inheritance. Esau would have retained his birthright and the prodigal son would have acquired the wisdom that comes from good life experience. Besides, he wouldn’t have become a prodigal! Scripture uses Esau to illustrate the lost.

Our children are rarely naturally like Bunyan’s Patience. Passion perfectly represents the average modern child. Patience has the worthier character and is the outcome most parents would wish for their child.

So, what to do? The answer is in training. Solomon said, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

A wise parent looks for naturally occurring opportunities where the desirable character traits can be developed.

Training a “Patience”
Teaching a child to only eat at specified mealtimes trains a child to deny inclination and to employ self control and reason. The habit of indulging children in snacks any time they want will develop the wrong character.

My husband insists that the child stop eating and wait 5 minutes longer if he/she commences eating before the whole family is ready to eat and has asked the blessing. Similarly, when any of our children chose not to eat the meal provided, they were not offered any other food until the next meal. They quickly learned that it doesn’t pay to be picky eaters!

It takes parental willpower to see these things through but I can say it makes for happier children and a happier home too. Remember that Passion was discontent? Indulged children are not happy children!

There are other opportunities beside mealtime to train a child to deny self. Encourage your child to continue with an activity that they may be tired of until the project is finished. This principle can be applied when they are weeding, mowing the grass, practicing piano scales, or doing math.

In the Home school
Our children don’t have to be trained to be lazy. They have the inclination naturally. The desire for instant gratification is a twin to it. The old saying ‘work before play’ is productive of good results!
The child trained to deny self will develop perseverance. This child will not quit when the going gets tough. When muscles ache, he will go the extra mile and get the job done. This daughter will not quit because the sewing project needs some unpicking. This child will become the adult that does not choose the easy road if it means the sacrifice of principle.

I read of a study in which children were individually placed in a room and given a marshmallow. They were told they could eat it now, but if they waited while the researcher ran an errand, they could have two marshmallows when he returned. The researchers then followed the lives of the participants and found after a number of years, that those who had chosen to wait were the more successful in later life. They got higher grades in high school and were better adjusted socially.

The object of discipline is training the child in self-control. They will learn to be controlled by their own reason and not simply by impulse or feeling.

Don’t give children anything that they cry for. I taught my children that if they cried for something, they would definitely not get it unless they stopped the crying. When that lesson had been learned they progressed to learn that crying might totally disqualify them from the desired object.

Today’s society doesn’t require children to sit quietly. We do want our children to experience life rather than be spectators but there are times when sitting quietly is necessary. Even young children can be taught to do this. My children are expected to sit quietly for morning and evening worships when we sing and read the Bible together. They have to restrain themselves from speaking or moving while we pray.

The principles of wise financial management are based on planning and saving which are the opposite of instant gratification. A child encouraged to save for something worthwhile has many opportunities to deny self.

As Christian parents and homeschoolers it is our duty to teach our children to turn away from the amusements of this world and to live for the pleasures of the world to come. Theme park rides offer the thrill of the moment while taking money that can be spent in more profitable ways. Movies convey an excitement while they impress on the mind what is of low moral worth and waste time etc. Lollies and candy bars excite the taste but bring harm to the body.

There is no denying that bad things can be fun for a season, or taste good, but the child that has learned to deny natural inclination will have the strength of character to choose what is best.